i went on the scale yesterday and it said i was 128. today i got on it says 126. the last time i remember i was around 124. i hope this is because my period is coming soon because if not im going to feel really depressed. 

I’ve realized unlike other people I haven’t really made goals for myself with my weight loss or I have but I’ve never written them down which I feel like maybe the main reason why I am not at the place I want to be yet.

But I guess because for me to be where I want myself to but at physical is to go down a good 20/30 pounds which for others would only be the beginning of their journey.  Or maybe I am making excuses for myself because I know once I get down to the weight and body I want that won’t be the end, I’ll still have to exercise to maintain that wait and be healthy. Which is the way it should be. I told myself from the start ” You’re not only doing this to be skinny, but to live healthy. “

This journey started on May 7, 12. 5 day after my 15 birthday, I didn’t want to be the fat Asian girl anymore, I was sick of my thighs touching, I was sick of having a double chin and big calfs, I was sick of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing not what I thought was good looking. It will be 4 months in 5 days since I started this lifestyle. I know looking back then and now I am in better shape.

Even tho I did exercise a bit in the months coming up to May I wasn’t determine, heck I still am not. But the fact that I know that it is possible for me makes it easier for me to see the path ahead of me clearer. Sure I still have a stomach, sure my thighs still touch, sure I’ve only gone down 10 pounds. But that is 10 pounds less, the most weight I have ever lost in my life so far. And on top of that I knew if I had kept on with my old life style I would had probably gain instead of lost 10 pounds from these months. All I did was cut pretty much all fast food and try exercising whenever I had the chance. 

I started being around 133 of May 12’. The highest weight I’ve ever had, I remember it was back in March 12’ I got a weigh in for a physical and I was 127. As of right now whenever I think of my heighest I always say to myself I was 127/128 because it just seems so unreal that I got myself up to 133 pounds. As of right now I flicker around 122,123, 124 & 125. In the morning I would be 122 lbs and by the night I would be 125lbs. Why it is like this idk. I hope by next week it doesn’t fluctuate as much.

But like I said before, by the end of August I hope I can go down to 120. Which can and can not happen because right now my weight is confusing me. And by the time 2012 ends I hope to go down to 110. In 3 months to lose ten pounds might be much seeing but I’m hoping that with me joining the swim team I am able to lose a good amount of weight. 

My head is in a million places right now. 

I want to lose 5 pounds before schools starts. My weight has been weird because I am just about to finish my period but it says 125. I need it to go down to 120. I can only cross my fingers that I can go down to 117. I would love to be back in the teens for weight. Jfc. But I’m not saying 115 because I feel like if I put that into my head I will never get the weight off. 

If I’m not willing to work out that’s one thing - so I have to do something else now. I have to stop with the carb intake. Bye bye rice - at-least for this week. As much as I can, and anything that has a lot of sugar in it. I have to make a change someway and if I am going to sit on my but this whole week then the last two months will have gone to waste.